my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Thereβs a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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