i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
