I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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