Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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