I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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