clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
wow bdsm is so cute
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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