it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
