you have to choose: penises or morals?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
