I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
