I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
