remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drake has all the answers
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