His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
