spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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