Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
