dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
