I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
