sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So squirting runs in the family.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
