i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize