he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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