You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
