she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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