let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
