I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
