I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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