But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
