I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
