so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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