i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
