Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
