remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
