OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
