if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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