So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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