dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
