they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
