I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
