She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
