ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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