Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
