Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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