had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
