Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
