i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
no you cant smoke seaweed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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