in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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