i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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