I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
