I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
