someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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