I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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