Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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