I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
