first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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