I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
