Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
