Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
