Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
