Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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