Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
