i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
