Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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