she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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