I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
