we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize