I looked at my own cervix.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.†\nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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