I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
