your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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