But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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