how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
