They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I want a musical about memes.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
