i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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