fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
