I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
