I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
